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On a recent warm Friday night, I had the good fortune to while away the time in the company of friends out on their deck. The theme for the evening was a Man-B-Q, a barbecue in which, as our host announced, “No girly things, such as vegetables, utensils, or napkins,” were allowed. Guests were encouraged to bring side dishes to the Man-B-Q, as long as they were “meaty comestibles” to accompany the meat that would be grilled throughout the evening. Aside from the anthropologically questionable and chauvinist claim that vegetables are feminine (is there anything more manly than the armor of an artichoke or a spear of asparagus?), there was the troubling fact, made all the clearer as the night progressed, that the Man-B-Q was attended mostly by women.

What to bring to a Man-B-Q? The men in my life love things like smoked ribs and beefy steaks, but then again, so do I. As I stood before my refrigerator and contemplated what to do, it dawned on me that the only logical thing to bring to a Man-B-Q is some part of a man. As luck would have it, I just happened to have a pair of testicles sitting in my freezer.